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Three perfect years

On the eve of my little girl's third birthday....I have this strong inclination to think back to my life on November 29th, 2oo5. Here is an excerpt from my pregnancy journal on this day....

I was just amazed when I saw your head come out first and then the rest of your body. [Yea, we had a ceiling with mirrors and I had to watch]... I was thinking to myself, where did she come from? You were so big it was incredible that you were inside me all this time. You were so perfect and all I could think about was how blessed I was to be your mom.

Your daddy was crying at the first second of seeing you and could not take his eyes off of you. He went over by you when they weighed you and cleaned you off. The nurses said, "She's got some meat on her bones." I couldn't believe it when they told me you weighed 8 lbs, 10 oz. I was so proud! I kept watching you as they cleaned you off with tears falling down my face. It was the best moment of my life- you are here- a healthy, beautiful little girl and you are mine! ____________________________________________________________________
Three Big Things I Learned from my Three-Year-Old

1. Real love-I am grateful for Avery for opening my eyes. The love I have for her is unselfish, sacrificing, unconditional, and fills my heart with joy. Love is also patient and forgiving. For instance, when a 2 yr old tells you, "Mommy, you're not my friend anymore," its o.k. Give her five minutes to get out her frustration with the world and she'll be coming to find you to deliver the sweetest hug before too long.

2. Faith- in two different powers. First, faith in yourself. Whenever you're not sure if you can do something- you gotta take a big breath, tell yourself you can do it, and then think about what you need to do. Example: You've climbed half-way up the tall caterpillar like the big kid did and now you're scared. You don't know if you should jump down, keep climbing, or cry for help. You can ask for help but don't ever think that you're not capable of doing what you really want to do.

Secondly, faith in Heavenly Father is a major coping skill that makes life so much easier. For instance, I knew a little girl that was having a hard time mastering the art of potty-training. She was doing o.k. at home but at school, there were multiple challenging obstacles that stood in her way. She started saying a prayer before her and her mom left for the day- that she would have a good, dry day.....and it worked-quickly. A perfect example of how our Heavenly Father is aware of our worries and desires- no matter how big or small.

3. Find time to be silly- EVERYDAY. Life is messy and life is hard. You gotta make time to laugh, dance, sing and to do things that make you happy...If you like to find cool sticks and leaves, make awesome art projects, dance in your ballerina costume, be a tickle monster, read the same story twenty times in a row- then by all means, do it! And never stop waking up laughing...(I am so happy you got this from your daddy).

I love you Avery! Thank you for three magical and inspiring years!

Mommy

Oh Christmas Tree!

I never thought I'd be one of those people that could actually put up a Christmas tree before Thanksgiving. Growing up, my family, or my mom, was adamantly serious about keeping the two holidays separate. When I was maybe ten, my Nana asked me to play piano songs for a bit while everyone was working on the Thanksgiving meal...I started playing Christmas songs and my mom came over and said something like, "Can we just get through this holiday first?" Not that I blame her....But I became an adult just so I could make my own decisions and I could easily sense Avery's love for this tradition as she has been ooohing and aaaahing the christmas trees at the stores since SEPTEMBER!

So, we got ourselves a cute and little pre-lit Christmas tree. This is the first year I actually had to put one together myself- so I was kinda worried, especially about trying to put this together in front of an excited Avery attempting to assist. Lucky for me, the cheaper the tree-the easier to assemble. I literally had to snap the base together and insert two big pieces and PRESTO- a tree!

Avery loved the decorating of the tree. She kept saying, "Isin't this pretty mommy?" and "This is my Christmas Tree." I let her hang most of the ornaments and the star on top...She was very dedicated to finding the perfect spot each individual ornament- even if that meant our tree is slightly assymetrical...I didn't hang any of my keepsake ornaments like the porcelain ornaments my Grandma Knick made. I have a feeling this girl is going to want to rearrange her tree a time or two and that would just be too risky, even at the top!

The semester is ALMOST over!

Yes- clinicals are over! We have one morning next month where we have to do change agent presentations for the our hospital's administration, but that is it! I am eagerly anticipating the long break before coming back for the Spring semester. It kinda seems like the spring is all one big secret. I know our clincals include a state psych rotation but other than that- we are working in the community until we are selected for a preceptorship. I think I'll be able to deal with anything at that point, because graduation will be so closely within reach!

So, here are some pics from my clinical group. We all went out to breakfast last week to close the semester properly!

The group of five girls and me- are the DEFIBRILLATORS. This was my code group for mock codes and we rocked. All the girls worked really hard to pass the first time and I made some great friends from this group...

Including my friend Melena-the chick with the baby. She is easily my favorite person from school. Melena was also in the transition program over the summer, she is a paramedic and is a natural when it comes to nursing. The thing I love most about her- her insane dedicated drive. Lena had her daughter (her first baby) by C-Section...and was back to school a week later!!! She is a wonderful mother and one of those people that gets good grades without studying...I want to hate her for how easy she makes it all look, but I can't.

And the big group is my whole clinical group...minus my instructor! Good times, good memories, will miss seeing these people so much!

I'm hooked

So, I guess I'm addicted to blogging. It didn't take long...I love it! Just wish I had more time to vent all my random thoughts.

School has been good this week. We have three tests in the next four weeks. We are in our last week in clinicals. Thankfully, I don't have to stress about my grades too much. In nursing school, anything lower than a 75% is considered failing. I'm at a 89% for my lecture grade, and a A in both clinical and community. I need to study a little more. I've gotten a little lazier this semester but I know I will be mad at myself, in the end, if I don't get my little A in lecture.

This is our last week in clinical. I've had a fairly relaxed and easy clinical instructor this semester. At first, I was concerned that she was too laid back and wouldn't push me to make the most of our clinical rotation. I quickly realized that the semester was going to be challenging enough and I should be grateful for this assignment. All in all, I loved our clinicals. I worked hard because it mattered to me. I've been in nusing, in some capacity, for 7 years, but never have felt totally comfortable taking care of critically ill patients. I feel more confident in my knowledge and nursing skills...And everything else you learn by working after school.

Avery is hilarious. Just wanted to write about some of our interesting conversations, over the last week or so...

As we're coming home, our apartment is dark and before I can turn the lights on,
Ave says: "Mommy, Its dark. I can't see my eyes!"
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Avery begins to cry after hitting her knee on the table. She cries and cries....

I say, "Avery...its o.k. You're tough, shake it off..."(thanks ruth)

Ave: "But, I'm not done crying, Moooommeeee."
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And the slight glimpse of attitude is great- probably a sign of wonderful things to come. I'm starting to hear, "Because....blah, blah, blah" and "Actually...." She definitely keeps me laughing.

Scrunchy smiles for you!

This is Ave's new picture smile. What can I say- this girl is ultra photogenic, just like her mother!

My little star

I know what you're thinking. If only there was Preschool Idol...I could kiss nursing school goodbye!

Wonderful day

My first successful code, my first successful code, my first successful code!

Let me explain: Codes are what you would hear in an instant when a patient is crashing, like "Code blue, rm 102," All code nurses and physicians respond and the team works together to start CPR, intubate, shock/defibrillate if necessary, give emergency IV meds to stabilize the patient, and hopefully- transfer to ICU, if they're not already there. I have heard and read that only 10% of codes actually have a positive outcome and the patient is rescued.

So, to be involved in a successful code is truly a miracle and I was grateful for the experience. Several hours afterwards, my friend and fellow student says to me, "You're still smiling!" I was so excited and thrilled to be a part of this amazing profession. On the good and bad days, I see my parents and grandparents in my older patients. I see Avery in the children that come through the ER. I can identify with the family members that are hoping and praying I am doing everything within my knowledge and power to help their loved one. I hope that doesn't change and that I never let anyone down.

Sums it all up

I just read this story on another blog and had to share. I think the author wanted to convey to the readers what its like to be a parent of a child with a disability. I think it can work for anyone either as a parent or someone trying to realize their life doesn't revolve around their ideal circumstances, but it is still Holland. For me, its what its like being a single mom. It may not be my original plan but Avery makes this the sweetest adventure and I am so glad that she is mine.

"Welcome to Holland"

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome To Holland".

"Holland?!?" you say, "What do you mean "Holland"??? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy"

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills...Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned".

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.

But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things...about Holland.

© 1987, by Emily Perl Kingsley.

Halloween:Part 2

We had such a fun Halloween! Avery dressed up as a Strawberry Fairy and she looked so cute (thanks Christina for the adorable costume)! Avery loved the wings the best and the "fairy dust" in her hair. I am so glad she is a little girl...I honestly look forward to years of princess, fairy, and other girly-girl costumes.

We went to a Halloween carnival at our church and then went trick-or-treating with my mom in her neighborhood. Because Ave had decided to for go the nap that day at school, out night ended early. The next morning, Ave wakes up and the first words out of her mouth were, "I want to go trick or treating, Mommy." Kinda hard to explain the once a year festivities to a 2 year old. Also, now she'll tell me, "Mommy, say trick or treat" and she'll pretend to give me a treat in my hand....I'm hoping we're not still doing this in December...

I was amazed by the people in Texas that get into Halloween. One lady was sitting in her front lawn dressed as a "pretty witch" and was stirring a cauldron pot with a stick. The kids would come up to her and she would hand them out a bag of goodies from her pot. And the weather was so nice- 60s. A lot of people were sitting out by their front doors and waiting for the kids which was nice could you could actually talk to them. A little different from the cold Halloweens I remember as a kid- when layers and layers were a necessity. I can recall one year in Minnesota where snow was coming down but that didn't effect our Halloween agendas.